https://www.verywellmind.com/why-people-self-sabotage-and-how-to-stop-it-5207635

Self-sabotaging behavior refers to intentional action (or inaction) that undermines people's progress and prevents them from accomplishing their goals. Self-sabotage occurs when people hinder their own success.

While it seems surprising, some people undermine their own good intentions and long-term goals. When people take these destructive steps, their harmful behavior can negatively impact nearly every part of their lives including their relationships and career.

This article discusses why people engage in self-sabotaging behaviors and provides some examples of self-sabotage. It also explores steps you can take to stop undermining your own success.

What Causes Self-Sabotaging Behavior?

People thwart their progress for a variety of reasons. They may consciously or unconsciously commit acts of self-sabotage. The causes range from childhood issues to prior relationship effects. Other reasons for this type of destructive behavior vary from low self-esteem and coping problems to problems with cognitive dissonance, which will be explained below.

Self-sabotage often serves as a coping mechanism that people use to deal with stressful situations and past traumas. Unfortunately, it typically makes problems worse and limits a person's ability to successfully move forward in a healthy way.

Conscious and Unconscious Self-Sabotaging

People who self-sabotage might be aware of their actions. For example, someone who's overweight and on a diet might consciously sabotage their good efforts by eating a whole carton of ice cream.

Or they might unconsciously act. A person misses a work deadline. On the surface, it seems like he was running late. But the truth is he's afraid of failure. He self-sabotages by missing the due date, thus he thwarts his goal to move up in the company.

Difficult Childhood

Growing up in a dysfunctional family can contribute to your acts of self-sabotage. Without a secure attachment style, you might have an ambivalent or avoidant attachment style. Our earliest engagement with caregivers affects how we connect to others.

If your parents told you growing up that you'll never amount to much, maybe you handicap yourself so that you do fall short.

Difficulty in Relationships

If your ex constantly put you down, you might still feel vulnerable. Maybe they said they were wasting time trying to move forward with someone like you.

Now you're in a great relationship, but you cheat on your partner. Or break up for no reason. You don't feel good enough or you fear getting hurt again.

Based on one study on self-sabotage, 15 psychologists specializing in romantic relationships in Australia identified the main issues for the prevalence of self-sabotage in romantic relationships.1

Reasons included:

• Insecure attachment styles
• Low self-esteem
• Fear of getting hurt
• Fear of commitment
• Unhealthy relationship beliefs
• Coping problems when it comes to matters of the heart