https://survivingnarcissism.tv/freedom-from-a-narcissistic-parent/

For better or worse, parents will have a powerful impact on their sons' and daughters' quality of life, and that impact will last a lifetime. Ideally, a child's history on the home front would include a solid foundation of love, empathy, trust, and reliability. But sometimes it does not play out that way.

Meaningful parenting is goal oriented, with a primary goal of making oneself less necessary, encouraging autonomy. Likewise healthy parents teach emotional competence, a solid work ethic, coping skills, and conflict management. Healthy parents want their kids to be curious and creative. Emotional safety and security are prioritized. And they also provide perspectives on family history, emphasizing what has and has not worked.

When you observe the parenting styles of narcissists, however, a very different pattern emerges. Foremost, narcissistic parents overemphasize compliance…and that compliance is for the parent's comfort. Also, there is ongoing mismanagement of conflict and anger, as well as messages of shame and humiliation. Sometimes the narcissist is too intrusive, while at other times neglectful. And consistently, narcissistic parents don't discuss, they tell.

Having unfinished business within, narcissistic parents pass along their psychological chaos, unwittingly requiring the kids to carry their pain.

The impact experienced by children of a narcissistic parent is palpable. Receiving intermittent reinforcement (consistent inconsistency), they can feel uncertain about person worth. They also tend to have insecure attachments, either being avoidant or clinging…and often a combination of both. Because emotions are not managed well, they grow up keeping secrets or faking agreement due to fear. Commonly, they become susceptible to peer pressures featuring rebellion and irresponsibility.

Left unexamined, the influences of a narcissistic parent can lead to all sorts of strains deep into the child's adult years.

As a therapist, I talked with many adults who later in life concluded: "Something was very off-kilter in my childhood. The lessons I learned have not served me well. It's time for a change." Of course, I would applaud such a conclusion, but I would also remind them that they might not receive the blessing of the parent as they make those changes.