https://www.tonyrobbins.com/ask-tony/cycle-of-meaning/

What you will learn from reading this article:

• You cannot control everything that happens in your life, but you can control the meaning you attach to those events
• You are the one in charge of your emotions and how you react to them
• How to practice emotional control
• How to let go of your expectations as a means of controlling your reactions
• A formula for the complex cycle of meaning (Meaning = Emotion = Life)

EMOTIONS, FEELINGS AND EMOTIONAL CONTROL

When you learn how to control your emotions, you can derive more positive, productive meanings, even from seemingly negative events.

When you set out to master your emotions, it's critical to understand that they are your emotions. They belong to you. By letting your emotions run the show – and attaching negative meaning to them – we can damage our relationships and our lives. When you step back and react emotionally to circumstances, you allow the world to happen to you instead of for you.

So what can you do to regain emotional control, or prevent yourself from losing it? Change the meaning and you change the emotion. The reverse also holds true – change the emotion and you'll change the meaning.

THE POWER OF WORDS

Another key factor in the cycle of meaning is what words you use. What do you feel when someone says that you're mistaken? What about if they say you're wrong? Chances are that you don't feel very good, no matter your level of emotional control, and that's you just thinking about it, not it actually happening.

It's a small example, but it illustrates just how crucial words are to how we make meaning (and thus what we feel). This is why Tony has people think about the words they're in the habit of using, especially if they're trying to make major life changes: Whatever words you attach to your experience become your experience.

HOW TO CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS

Next time you're faced with a situation that elicits strong feelings from you, pause to consider what meaning you're going to attach to it. You can develop emotional control by using one of the following tactics:

1. TAKE A DEEP BREATH

Instead of reacting right away – whether positively or negatively – give yourself a moment to process what just happened.

2. FIND OUT WHAT YOU'RE FEELING

It's easy to say, "I'm feeling angry because they hurt me." Dig deeper. Are you angry because you're afraid they're right? Are you sad? Emotions are complex and often piggyback onto one another.

3. REPLACE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

If your mind goes straight to how you've been wronged or how terrible everything is, divert yourself. Dwelling on negativity will only make you more prone to it, so focus on positive emotions. Change your thoughts and change your story.

4. CHANNEL YOUR ENERGY

Human emotions are incredibly powerful. Let that energy go by participating in some sort of physical activity – going for a run or a walk, or even shooting some hoops.

5. EXPLORE YOUR EMOTIONS

Why do you feel the way you do? Journaling or talking with a trusted friend or family member can help you understand why you're feeling what you do. Once you understand an emotion, it's that much easier to control it.

ACTIONS AND THE FORMULA THAT MAKES UP OUR LIVES

When you feel certain ways, you do certain things. Our patterns of behavior, from negative ones like smoking to positive ones like going to the gym, all stem from our desire to meet some of our six human needs, the meaning we've assigned and the feelings we have. The pattern then becomes our life story, what we tell ourselves about who we are and why we are that way. Instead of practicing emotional control, we likely feel adrift and powerless.

While we can't control the triggers we encounter in our lives, we can control the meanings we extract from the events that occur, therefore controlling our feelings and, more broadly, our lives. If you're trying to make a change in your life, examine what meanings you already have, then make up new ones. Emotional control is all about making the meaning you want – otherwise you'll continue to repeat old patterns and not make any lasting change.

THE FORMULA

We can reduce the cycle of meaning's complexity to a single formula:

Meaning = Emotion = Life

So if you're looking to change your mood, change the meaning you're taking from the triggering event. When you ask yourself, "How can I control my emotions?" what you're really asking is, "How can I assign positive meaning to this event, instead of letting negative feelings linger?" You have the power to shift your mindset and improve your life, because life is happening for you, not to you.