https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-low-self-esteem-5185978
Low self-esteem refers to a person having an overall poor sense of self-value. It essentially means having a poor opinion of yourself. Low self-esteem can encompass a range of factors, such as your sense of identity, self-confidence, feelings of competence, and feelings of belonging.
Self-esteem is about more than just generally liking yourself—it also means believing that you deserve love and valuing your own thoughts, feelings, opinions, interests, and goals. It can also play a role in how you allow others to treat you.
Having self-esteem not only impacts how you feel about and treat yourself, but it can even affect your motivation to go after the things you want in life and your ability to develop healthy, supportive relationships. It plays an important role in a variety of areas in life, which is why having low self-esteem can be such a serious problem.
Having low self-esteem means that you often think negatively about yourself, judge yourself badly, and lack confidence in your abilities.
Signs of Low Self-Esteem
While not a mental illness, poor self-esteem can still affect a person's thoughts, emotions, and patterns of behavior. Sometimes its signs can be fairly apparent. Other times, low self-esteem symptoms are much more subtle.
For example, some people with low self-esteem talk negatively about themselves, while others go out of their way to make sure other people are pleased with them. In either case, a lack of personal worth and value can have a negative impact on life and wellness.
Some common signs or symptoms of low self-esteem include:
- Lack of confidence
- External locus of control
- Negative social comparisons
- Trouble asking for help
- Worry and doubt
- Difficulty accepting compliments
- Negative self-talk
- Fear of failure
- Poor outlook of the future
- Lack of boundaries
- Being a people-pleaser
Poor Confidence
People with low self-confidence tend to have low self-esteem, and vice versa.1 Low self-esteem can play a role in causing a lack of confidence, but poor confidence can also contribute to or worsen poor self-esteem.
Being confident in yourself and your abilities allows you to know that you can rely on yourself to manage different situations. This self-trust means that you feel comfortable and confident navigating many different things you might encounter in life, which can play an important role in your overall well-being.
Finding ways to gain confidence in yourself and your abilities can be helpful. Acquiring and practicing new skills is one tactic you might try. This may even help reduce feelings of anxiousness as research connects a lack of confidence with higher anxiety levels, especially when under stress.2
Lack of Control
People who have low self-esteem often feel that they have little control over their lives or what happens to them. This can be due to the feeling that they have little ability to create changes in themselves or in the world. Because they have an external locus of control, they feel powerless to do anything to fix their problems.
Research has found that in situations where people have little control over what happens, having higher self-esteem can help relieve some of the negative effects of this loss of control, which ultimately benefits mental health.3
If you feel like you have no control over your life or situation, finding ways to improve your self-esteem may be helpful for your well-being.
Negative Social Comparison
Social comparison can sometimes serve a positive function and enhance a person's sense of self. But comparing yourself to others can also damage self-esteem. People with low self-esteem may be more likely to engage in what is known as upward social comparison, or comparing themselves to people who they think are better than themselves.4
Upward social comparison isn't always bad. For instance, these comparisons can be a source of information and inspiration for improvement. When people are left with feelings of inadequacy or hopelessness, however, it can inhibit self-esteem.
Social media can also play a role in such comparisons, contributing to low self-esteem. If you often compare yourself unfavorably to people on social media sites such as Facebook and Instagram, your self-esteem may take a hit.5
The Link Between Social Media and Mental Health
Problems Asking for What You Need
When a person has low self-esteem, they may struggle to ask for what they need. Trouble asking for what you need can be caused by feeling embarrassed. Or you may feel that a need for assistance and support is a sign that you are incompetent.
Because their self-regard is low, someone with low self-esteem might also feel that they don't deserve help. They don't prioritize their own desires, so they struggle to assert themselves when they are in need.
Worry and Self-Doubt
Even after making a decision, people who have low self-worth often worry that they've made the wrong choice. They doubt their own opinions and may defer to what others think instead of sticking to their choices.
This can lead to a great deal of second-guessing and self-doubt. This makes it harder for people with low self-esteem to make decisions about their lives.
Trouble Accepting Positive Feedback
A 2017 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that low self-esteem is directly correlated to not being able to accept or capitalize on compliments from others.6
Positive feedback is often met with suspicion and distrust. Complimentary words do not align with their beliefs about themselves, so people with self-esteem issues may feel that the other person is being flippant or even cruel.
Because they don't have a positive opinion about themselves, people who have low self-esteem find it difficult to accept compliments from others.
Negative Self-Talk
Low self-esteem causes people to focus on their flaws rather than their strengths. Rather than build themselves up with positive self-talk, they always seem to have something negative to say about themselves, engaging in negative self-talk instead.
When things go wrong, people with low self-esteem often blame themselves. They find fault with some aspect of themselves, whether it is their appearance, their personality, or their abilities.
Fear of Failure
Because they lack confidence in their abilities, people with low self-esteem doubt their ability to achieve success. Because they fear failure, they tend to either avoid challenges or give up quickly without really trying.
This fear of failure can be seen in behaviors such as acting out when things go wrong or looking for ways to hide feelings of inadequacy. People with low self-esteem might also make excuses, blame external factors, or try to downplay the importance of the task.
Poor Outlook
Low self-worth can cause people to feel that there is little chance that the future will be any better than the present. These feelings of hopelessness can make it hard for people with low self-esteem to engage in behaviors that will bring about positive changes in their lives.
Self-sabotage is a common way of coping with such feelings. By finding obstacles to prevent success, people with low self-esteem are able to find something else to blame for not achieving their goals or finding greater levels of happiness in their lives.
Lack of Boundaries
The ability to set boundaries is often established early in life. Children with caregivers who show them that they are respected and valued are better able to create good boundaries in adult relationships. They are also more likely to have a more positive view of themselves in general.
People with low self-esteem can have a difficult time setting boundaries with others. They may feel guilty or fear that people will stop liking them if they try to establish or maintain a boundary.
A lack of healthy boundaries can create problems when others don't respect a person's space and time. The lack of respect not only adds to the person's stress levels but may also make them feel less valued.
How Boundaries Affect Stress Levels
People-pleasing is another common symptom of low self-esteem. In order to gain external validation, people who don't feel good about themselves may go above and beyond to make sure that others are comfortable and happy.
Pleasing others often involves neglecting their own needs. The person with low self-esteem winds up saying yes to things they may not want to do and feeling guilty about saying no.
Impact of Low Self-Esteem